I think I'm freaking out!!!

I posted a blog a while back about my kids and how I freak out more as my oldest daughter reaches milestones in her journey through life, as opposed to my youngest. Well, I think I was wrong! Karlie will be 13 on June 1st and I think I am freaking out about it! Not majorly or anything, but when I stop and think about it, I could cry. And I have cried! It is really bothering me that my baby is not a little girl any more! I don't have "young" children anymore. They are all teenagers and adults now! And to top it off, my oldest is officially engaged! I'm so happy for her, she is marrying a great guy and I think they will have a great life together, but MY OLDEST IS GETTING MARRIED AND MY BABY IS TURNING 13!!! Ok, I'm really not freaking out, really.

But,does all this mean that....I am old???? I don't feel old, and most people say I don't look old....but I would have to be on my way to old if I have a daughter old enough to get married and my baby is 13. Not to mention the two boys in the middle! Kaleb will be 15 in December...so that's drivers training and girls and all that stuff. And Brandon...he's 20! He's off working with a friend in another town right now, painting, doing his own thing. These are my children!!! They aren't supposed to grow up and become adults. Not yet!

All this could be hitting me because they live with their dad. And perhaps I feel as if I've missed out on some of their growing up these last few months, since Karlie went to live with her dad so she could go to Concord Academy. I've been having thoughts lately about my kids, and what kind of mother I am. I am a part time mom basically. I see Kaleb and Karlie every other weekend. I see Trisha on and off, probably more than Kaleb and Karlie since Ben lives near Gaylord. And Brandon, I rarely see! But, Kaleb and Karlie, I should know what they ate for lunch, when they have a headache, if they brush their teeth before they go to bed or not, and I don't. The everyday things, my kids everyday lives, I'm not involved in. That's not a mom. I'm more like an Aunt or big sister or something.

This is not where I intended my blog to go. Not the 2nd paragraph anyway. But, it has been on my mind the last few days, weeks, not sure. But, it's been on my mind lately. I really want to be involved in my kids everyday lives.

Jeff and I are praying about this, and I know God is in control, and we've left it in his care and keeping, so I know it will all work out the way it's supposed to! Just be praying for my kids to be protected during these delicate adolescent years, until they come to live with me again!